summer depressive episode hits hard

i feel like i only write here to... complain... which is not inherently false but, oh well! i do write when i have a lot in my mind, and i usually do have a lot in my mind, but you know – i forget this site exists. 

i forget there's a piece of me here.

so, hi! how's your summer been? mine hasn't been good, and i feel like it's about to get worse, in a way. you know when you have a really bad feeling about something? yeah, that's kinda me right now. it's not a bad feeling about other people or like something happening, it's a bad feeling about how my mental health is going to decline despite me trying to keep up with life in general.

tonight i feel atrocious. i just. i always try my best and i still feel like i have to walk on my toes around other people. i feel like i can't even speak up for myself and what truly bothers me – people always make me feel like they make me out to be the villain. it's the classic cliché with nobody understands me, and i completely feel it like it rottens my bones to the core. 

and i try to keep myself at a surface level. i really try. but it's so, so hard, and so, so annoying when i regress. again. and again. 

do you feel that? i do. and it stings and burns and i just feel horrible. 

i guess it's just a bad mood. but hey, everybody has those. we'll get through it. in a way. i hope we do.